My mom always said that when it's our birthday we should take her out to dinner.
And we did...when we could.
It made sense to me.
It was a way of acknowledging the person that gave us life and/or raised us.
Thanking her or him,
for life, sacrifices, support, love, lessons taught...
Today is my oldest and dearest friend's birthday.
I am not sure when we actually met, but I do know it's been 6 decades now.
So today, I want to honor the woman that gave her life,
her mom.
Her actual name is Judy, but I would never feel comfortable calling her that.
I have been taught to address someone older than you formally
and never by first name, especially someone you have known nearly all your life.
I'll just call her what I always referred to her as,
Susan's Mom.
Susan's mom was Irish.
She was born in New Jersey.
She moved to San Diego to be a teacher.
She met Susan's Dad there.
They got married, had two children, and moved to Fresno.
Susan's parents were progressive thinkers.
The school district had a voluntary integration busing program.
They sent Susan to school on a bus across town to Lincoln Elementary.
When I was 3, my family immigrated to the United States.
We settled in Fresno.
I went to Lincoln Elementary.
Susan and I became friends.
I am not sure how it happened, but despite living across town from each other,
and my parents not speaking English and not owning a car or driving,
Susan and I managed to remain friends and see each other even after she moved to middle school.
I didn't go over her house often,
but when I did,
I remember her mom there.
She was always in the kitchen.
She always made me feel comfortable there and whenever we met.
Both of Susan's parents did.
Today is Susan's birthday.
Today I would like to share what I remember most about Susan's Mom.
Susan's Mom had the best skin!
-She told me she only used Oil of Olay. I still use Oil of Olay today.
Susan's Mom had the longest hair I have ever seen.
-She always wore it in a bun, but on a few occasions I got to see it down.
Susan's Mom was a "baby nurse."
-I always thought it was so cool that she worked at Children's Hospital.
Susan's Mom collected Irish China
-I'm not sure if she did, but Susan taught me what Belleek was in college.
Susan's Mom was a life-long learner.
-I have memories of her always with a book in hand. I learned that she learned to speak Spanish and Hmong so she could communicate with her patients.
Susan's Mom was resourceful and determined.
-She became a seamstress when Susan wanted a handmade culmination dress. She had never sewn a dress before. We both wore a dress our mother had made.
Susan's Mom was loyal.
-When my parents opened their own restaurant, her Mom and Dad would drive across town just to support them. She and Susan's Dad were there for us when Mom passed away four years ago.
Susan's Mom was a fighter.
-Even the West Nile virus couldn't keep her down. So many times she could have given up, but she always came back strong. (Our parents' generation was tough like that).
Susan's Mom had a life-partner.
-She and Susan's Dad were partners. I use to admire the way they interacted with each other lovingly when I sat in the backseat of their car on road trips up the coast. I witness the way they stood by each other at Rose Shows, hospital waiting rooms, and during transitions in life.
Susan's Mom was always gracious, kind, and caring.
She never lost that, even as her memory started challenging her,
she always remembered the important things in her life, her family, friends, and the people around her.
Susan's Mom passed away on October 21, 2019.
I am so glad that my boys got to spend some time with her.
I want them to know the special adults that have influenced my life.
She was one of them.
I remember the last time I went to see her at the Memory Care Home.
She was watching a movie in the dining hall.
As I handed her a bouquet of sunflowers and touched her shoulders to say hello,
she looked up and smiled.
I wasn't sure if she'd remember who I was so I said,
"Hi Mrs. Shaw! It's Jane."
She replied and introduced me to her nurse,
"Oh Jane! You're like my third child."
And she'd be right.
We are family.
So Happy Birthday to my friend Susan.
And thank you Susan's Mom for giving her life and raising my life-long friend.
This is a rose that Susan's Dad created named after Susan's Mom.
The Judy A. Shaw Rose.
