Susan's Mom

My mom always said that when it's our birthday we should take her out to dinner. 

And we did...when we could.

It made sense to me. 

It was a way of acknowledging the person that gave us life and/or raised us.  

Thanking her or him,

for life, sacrifices, support, love, lessons taught...

Today is my oldest and dearest friend's birthday.

I am not sure when we actually met, but I do know it's been 6 decades now.

So today, I want to honor the woman that gave her life,

her mom.

Her actual name is Judy, but I would never feel comfortable calling her that.

I have been taught to address someone older than you formally

and never by first name, especially someone you have known nearly all your life.

I'll just call her what I always referred to her as,

Susan's Mom.

Susan's mom was Irish.

She was born in New Jersey.

She moved to San Diego to be a teacher.

She met Susan's Dad there.

They got married, had two children, and moved to Fresno.

 

Susan's parents were progressive thinkers.

The school district had a voluntary integration busing program.

They sent Susan to school on a bus across town to Lincoln Elementary.

When I was 3, my family immigrated to the United States.

We settled in Fresno.

I went to Lincoln Elementary.

Susan and I became friends.

I am not sure how it happened, but despite living across town from each other,

and my parents not speaking English and not owning a car or driving,

Susan and I managed to remain friends and see each other even after she moved to middle school.

I didn't go over her house often,

but when I did,

I remember her mom there.

She was always in the kitchen.

She always made me feel comfortable there and whenever we met.

Both of Susan's parents did.

Today is Susan's birthday.

Today I would like to share what I remember most about Susan's Mom.

Susan's Mom had the best skin!

-She told me she only used Oil of Olay. I still use Oil of Olay today.

Susan's Mom had the longest hair I have ever seen.

-She always wore it in a bun, but on a few occasions I got to see it down.

Susan's Mom was a "baby nurse."

-I always thought it was so cool that she worked at Children's Hospital.

Susan's Mom collected Irish China 

-I'm not sure if she did, but Susan taught me what Belleek was in college.

Susan's Mom was a life-long learner.

-I have memories of her always with a book in hand. I learned that she learned to speak Spanish and Hmong so she could communicate with her patients.

Susan's Mom was resourceful and determined.

-She became a seamstress when Susan wanted a handmade culmination dress. She had never sewn a dress before. We both wore a dress our mother had made.

Susan's Mom was loyal.

-When my parents opened their own restaurant, her Mom and Dad would drive across town just to support them. She and Susan's Dad were there for us when Mom passed away four years ago.

Susan's Mom was a fighter.

-Even the West Nile virus couldn't keep her down. So many times she could have given up, but she always came back strong. (Our parents' generation was tough like that).

Susan's Mom had a life-partner.

-She and Susan's Dad were partners. I use to admire the way they interacted with each other lovingly when I sat in the backseat of their car on road trips up the coast. I witness the way they stood by each other at Rose Shows, hospital waiting rooms, and during transitions in life.

Susan's Mom was always gracious, kind, and caring.

She never lost that, even as her memory started challenging her,

she always remembered the important things in her life, her family, friends, and the people around her.

Susan's Mom passed away on October 21, 2019.

I am so glad that my boys got to spend some time with her.

I want them to know the special adults that have influenced my life.

She was one of them.

I remember the last time I went to see her at the Memory Care Home.

She was watching a movie in the dining hall.

As I handed her a bouquet of sunflowers and touched her shoulders to say hello, 

she looked up and smiled. 

I wasn't sure if she'd remember who I was so I said,

"Hi Mrs. Shaw! It's Jane."

She replied and introduced me to her nurse, 

"Oh Jane! You're like my third child."

And she'd be right.

We are family.

So Happy Birthday to my friend Susan.

And thank you Susan's Mom for giving her life and raising my life-long friend.

This is a rose that Susan's Dad created named after Susan's Mom.

The Judy A. Shaw Rose.

Our Village: Being D's Mom Part 2

This was a long time coming, but better late than never.

It's not easy raising a child.

It's not easy raising a child on your own.

It's not easy raising a child that has challenges that he and you cannot control.

On May 30, 2019 Daniel graduated from high school.

It was not an easy road.

It did not come without obstacles,

but it did happen.

We did not get here on our own,

we were, are, blessed with a strong, loving, and patient village.

Yes, I made him hold a sign on the last day of school...

In the parking lot of ELAC before the big moment!

Part of the incredible village that supported us for the past 14 years.

 Aunt Lisa who took the photo above and my sounding board for 14 years.

She has raised 3 incredible adults and has more patience than I could ever have.

Our village at work, home, school, and a phone call away...  supporting, listening, advising, 

people who move furniture, pick up Daniel when I had to be at two places at once, gave advice, lended a supportive ear, understood...

those who cared for Daniel when he was sick and I had to go to work, watched him when I had to be at school on the weekends or at a PD, and gave me advice when I didn't know what to do...

big brothers, big sisters, aunts, and uncles near and far who have impacted our lives with their presence and love...

 friends from the beginning, that understand who you are, and stick with you no matter what...

those that took care of you at school and pushed you to do more than you wanted to do, teachers and mentors that are like family, and neighbors who let you stay with them when you are locked out and give you spare keys no matter how many times you lose your own set...

middle school educators that changed your outlook about school, life, possibilities, and accepted you for the kind of learner you are...

elementary teachers that looked after you, took care of you, believed in you, and taught you to be a better person...

friends that were there from day one and provided you with bright, play clothes, uniform pants that fit, and big brother advice...

Friends and students that have been a part of my village before you came into my life  and continues to love and care for us...

I wish I had the time to recognize and snap a photo of each and everyone who came to celebrate such a milestone in Daniel's life. Whether you were there or not, you know who you are and how much you each mean to me (and Daniel). Each of you have played a part in raising this young man and teaching his mother how to be a better parent. Thank you for loving and caring about us. We are both grateful and blessed you are here.

Wished you were there Popo...

Being D's Mom Part 1

It's two days until his graduation.

In the middle of class, I receive an email from one of his teachers.

It read...

On Tuesday, May 28, 2019, _________________ > wrote:

Good Morning,

I would like to inform you that D______ DID NOT bring the food items necessary for his cooking final. This will affect his FINAL grade as there is NO EXCUSE as it impacts his team/classmates as well. This is a team activity however; everyone including D _____ had sufficient time to PLAN. Everyone in his team brought their own supplies. This morning, in the middle of the FINALS He was asking me if I had all these ingredients at hand, when he should be responsible for bringing items. This is DESCRIBED in the HANDOUT that was given to all students. When I asked what was his reason, he said he went to 2 movies and forgot. I told him to think about priorities and I told him this is unacceptable. thanks for your time.

As a parent, my initial response was "Oh no! I can't believe he did that." And quickly responded...

Sent: Tue, May 28, 2019 9:23 am

Subject: Re: Issue with COOKING FINAL

I’m so sorry. He did not tell me anything. I totally understand and apologize for his actions. I asked about homework and he said nothing. He will have to accept the consequences.

As the day went on, I thought about the email.

I thought about it during our staff PD.

I thought about it during the evening, 

as I sat at the district office,

as a parent rep for his school.

Why the hell did I apologize?

Was it really my fault?

He is 18.

He is a senior.

He has an IEP.

I was offended and pissed,

that she rushed to email me about how upset she was?

I needed vent.

I posted.

I learned that to use all CAPS meant shouting. 

(Thanks Dulce for schooling me).

I learned from D that his team didn't get upset with him.

I just couldn't let this go.

After talking it out with two friends,

I decided I had to respond.

So I did.

At 11:00pm... on a school night.

I was not looking for an apology.

I wasn't looking to make an excuse.

I wasn't looking for sympathy.

I was looking for understanding.

I wanted her to know who her student was.

I wanted her to think before emailing a parent in CAPS next time.

Good Evening Ms. _______,

Thank you for informing me of what happened in D_____’s final today.  I am a classroom teacher too. After having some time to reflect and reread the email you sent this morning, I wanted to address a few of your concerns. 

I understand your frustration at his lack of responsibility and forgetfulness. It DID NOT surprise me that he forgot his items for his finals. It is one of the everyday struggles I deal with at home as well. As an educator, I understand fully that not having his items will affect his FINAL grade and your NO EXCUSE policy. My concern was for the how it would impact his classmates, as it isn’t their fault that D______ lacks these skills. 

I can imagine how upsetting it is to have a student ask for items he is responsible for, especially during a final, but please know that D_____ didn’t mean to upset you or his classmates. I spoke to him about his responsibilities to the class and the group. Although he says he understands, I don’t think he really does because it continues to happen quite frequently. We are in therapy and seeking resources in the community to help him address his intellectual and social disabilities. It’s a long process.

I won’t make excuses. It is who he is. I am learning to accept him as well. He says it’s not easy to be him, and I don’t think it is. Him going to the movies on a long weekend was not his fault. It was my idea to see the movies. I didn’t know he had items he had to get for class, or I would have made sure he got them. I ask him every day, even though it’s HIS RESPONSIBILITY. The only thing he remembered was he had to be in a park for band. He didn’t know the park or the time, luckily, I had the band booster’s phone number. 

I have no doubt your HANDOUT DESCRIBED everything needed and required for the final. Just organizing and finding handouts is a constant challenge in our lives. He didn’t mean to disrespect you or the class. He truly is just trying to get by each day the best way he knows how. I know it’s the end of the year, but if you have any other concerns you want speak to me about, I’d be happy to meet with you after school. 

Thank you for your time.

She never responded.

I did ask D how the following day went.

He said she was nice to him.

Gave him some chores for extra credit he said.

When his final grades came out, he got a B.

It wasn’t what I wanted.

I didn’t want her to bend the rules.

I didn’t want her to give him a grade he clearly did not deserve.

I just wanted her to know who he was.

I wanted her to know that I was okay with who he was.

Sometimes the grade is that LAST thing that really matters. 

THE VIKINGS

I first discovered football as a kid in Fresno.
It was the 70's.
My parents worked long hours.
We didn't have a car.
But we had a TV and the NFL.

My first team?
Not the 49ers.
Not the Rams.
Not the Raiders or Chargers.

Nope. I was a Vikings girl.







I know.
They are from Minnesota.
I had never been to Minnesota.
But they were exciting to watch.
And I watched them.
After high school and scorekeeping...
(I logged in Henry Ellard's tackles)
and following my friend Doug play into the pros,
football took a back seat to Dodgers baseball and life.

On June 14, the Rams came to my school.
They provided volunteers.
They provided teeshirts.
They provided equipment and materials.
They provided breakfast and lunch.
They provided activities.
They provided a mascot.
They provided a DJ.
They sent their head coach and a bus load of rookies.
They installed a new playground.
They help us create a new garden and murals.
They gave our students and school community something beautiful.
*They also provided a kind safety to co-star in Bryce's latest Youtube video.

They made me a fan for life.
Thanks Rams!
Go Rams!

 Petey Meets Nick Scott

Experiences Matter: Adventures in ETK 2018-2019

The Green Coat

My mom was a seamstress in China.

She use to sew matching outfits for my sisters and I when we were growing up in Fresno.

After she passed,

We discovered two beautiful quilts that she was working on.

She made them from fabrics she had used since our childhood.

Such special pieces of art.

My sister Julie had them completed.

One of the units of study in ETK is CLOTHING.

One activity from the unit was a

"WEAR YOUR FAVORITE/SPECIAL CLOTHING TO SCHOOL DAY."

I wore Mom's green coat.

I had never worn it before.

It was sitting in the closet with a few other special pieces.

I don't know much about the history of the coat, 

but I do remember seeing it on mom growing up.

I thought there may be a photo of her wearing it

but never found one.

It reminds me of her.

And I love the color.

The morning when I put it on,

I noticed a few things.

The buttons that seemed a bit odd.

It didn't seem like buttons I would find on a coat of that color.

It looked like something mom would have sewn.

I never imagined it was something she had made.

I just assumed she had bought it when she arrived in America.

Then I looked closer.
I examined the stitches on the hem.
They looked so familiar.
I knew then that she must have handmade this coat.

As I went over ever inch of the coat,
I felt her presence.
I knew she had probably chosen the fabric,
the lining, the odd, brown buttons.
There was no tag,
but everything about that coat
was mom.... well maybe not the texture.
It's beautiful, but itchy.
We both don't like itchy.

I have always loved that coat.

I love it even more now.